The rain in Olympia feels endless this time of year. This past week it actually was, save for a few moments, truly endless. I took a walk down to the beach with my partner when there was a break in the weather. I needed a ray of light, and what I was given was a rainbow.
The waters of the Puget Sound were slate gray and the clouds were impenetrable as we began. When we reached the shore, the clouds in the western sky had thinned and light showed through them. I spotted a rather vertical standing rainbow. It was reflecting off of the water and ended at the shoreline. I walked down to the end of the rainbow. I stood there in wonder.
Atop of the barnacles and rocks I found a perfect white clam shell. I picked it up and put it in my pocket. This was a humble gift, I thought. After chasing rainbows for many years, since childhood actually, I had finally come to the end of one. Rather than a pot of gold, or a pearl of great value, I found the modest clamshell.
What am I supposed to make of this?
Clams are ubiquitous to the oceans and fresh waters of the world. Their meat feeds countless people and their shells adorn innumerable crafts and jewelry. Botticelli depicted the birth of Venus arriving in a clamshell. In artistic motifs and religious traditions, the clamshell is the ocean, life, and rebirth. The Irish say it’s good luck.
This, I can vibe with: the pure white clamshell that was presented to me at the end of the rainbow is a symbol of new life. As I approach my 50th birthday this spring, I feel the generosity of a gift of rebirth from the Divine. I hold it in my hands and whisper my desires for the last chapters of my life.
What came before has passed and I have let it go. Replaying old mistakes, misgivings, or missed opportunities is not only pointless, but a waste of what time is left. This time is unmeasurable: could be many decades, could be less. No one knows. This simple fact makes the clam shell even more precious, more prescient. A rebirth is an incredible gift, but it is not assurance of longevity.
The sublimity of a gift depends on the rightness is has with its recipient. I believe that I have received the gift at the end of the rainbow in the spirit it was given and in the spirit to which I need it. May it bring me rebirth and good luck.
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